My battle with COVID

I was unexpectedly hit with covid at the end of April. Ironically the day before my daughter began feeling sick, I was glorifying with gratefulness how we remained covid free. My daughter tested positive two days later, and it hit me like a freight train a few days following.

With that came mental and emotional instability. I even started to feel disconnected from God.

The Anguish

I was mentally overcome by EVERYTHING that needed to be done between business, school, and my daughter’s senior year festivities. Because, as we know, life’s requirements do not cease just because we are sick. Thus, I began experiencing sleepless, anxiety filled nights. I was also frustrated by the difficulty concentrating or simply finding the energy to do anything. Just when I thought I was well enough to proceed with life as usual, my body would say not so fast – slow down! That was hard to deal with. Not to mention the horrendous cough, hoarse voice, and inability to taste.

At the beginning of last week, I decided that – whatever it was – had to pass! One of my good girlfriends called me while I was going through, prayed for me, and we stood in agreement for a shift.

First, I thank God for the discernment to pause and acknowledge when something is off. We can often overlook or suppress those signals for various reasons and just proceed with life as if all is well. Trust me, I get it, “all is well” is a blanket statement I frequently use.

Don’t get me wrong, in Christ, all is and will be well (Romans 8:28). However, it is ok to not be ok sometimes. The key is, when recognized, we don’t remain there; instead, we bring it all to God. It is hard to allow God to move in our lives and circumstances when we just breeze over the reality of our feelings, emotions, and life’s circumstances as if they have not happened. Besides, it’s not like He doesn’t know our struggles; He’s just waiting for us to acknowledge our need for Him, in the midst, of them. God wants us to lean on Him (Psalm 35:7) and bring our burdens to Him (Psalm 55:22).

So, what helped?:

1. I cried out to God in prayer and worship. I began to feel encouraged, uplifted, and closer to Him again. It’s been several weeks, and although I still have pockets of fatigue, it is still challenging to concentrate at times, and I am just trying to get back into a steady rhythm; I know as I continue to seek God, He has me covered. 
2. I let go of the rush to heal. And gave myself grace and time to heal and, more importantly, to give God control. I had to relinquish “me” and find contentment in the healing process even if it didn’t go according to my timeline.
3. I surrendered the worry of the to-do list. Initially, I had anxiety as my daughter’s prom was quickly approaching and the pending ministry and coaching requirements. But God. Once I came out of quarantine and was able to get in motion of prom preparation, God restored time, so much so that it felt like I had additional days in the week.
4. A mindset shift toward contentment in this season’s capacity (not an easy task). I recognized my body’s needs in terms of healing, my daughter’s needs during her senior year end activities, and God’s hand in it all. I may not be as active in ministry or entrepreneurship endeavors as I’d prefer. However, I am showing up well for my daughter and giving my body what it needs in this season.

Let’s connect

If this resonates with you in this season, I pray you, too, can find your rhythm toward healing. Please know that it is ok if you need to pause and admit if/when things aren’t going well. Healing happens in the revealing, not the suppressing.

You can connect at Purpose in the Pain Ministries and/or 1:1 Pain to Freedom™ Coaching at Shontel Janeese LLC.